Lately, it's been hard for me...

Things couldn't have happened at the worst time...and they all add up together...

I got a call from my cousin in HK saying that my grandma had a stroke the day when I am supposed to do the team orientation...I didn't have time to think much about it...I did what I had to do right away...sort out my parents' bills, extend their leave of absence, book the plane tickets for them...(they were on a cruise at the moment)...still had to carry on and do the team orientation...didn't know how I managed...I think God did it for me...the prayer before really calmed me down...

I hate being the one to break the news to my parents....I had to be logical and all, coz they only had a few hours to think things through before flying back to HK after I pick them up from the cruise... I didn't get to cry with them....actually I didn't get to cry much and it's tough to have bottled it all up (all the stress from work plus this, which adds to the stress)...I felt like I had to be the strong one at the moment to support them...

My grandma passed away the next day, my parents didn't make it back soon enough to see her go....and she wasn't a believer...she mocked us when we pray before our meals the last time we went back to HK...

and then it was Culturathon, the few days before was crunch time...still working...

It wasn't until Sunday, after Culturathon, on my way to worship, I cried a little bit...because I heard He Will Carry Me on Praise 106...it's my first time hearing the song and it was very comforting...coz I have been asking "why" questions again...why now? why this? Isn't it difficult enough for me already? And it was comforting to know...if I ever breakdown...even tho the road is tough...He will always be there...

and during worship, I finally broke down and cried...because my grandma wasn't a believer and that will be it for her...she will be in eternal hell...I cried because of that...no more chances for her...

I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me

And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through
The storm

chorus*