Have you ever realized that you have hurt someone deeply but it’s too late to apologize because you probably will never see that person again?

I just came to that realization today while I was digging through my old stuff.  I had a friend who once said, “cards are the worst thing to give, because you just read it and then you put it down.  You don’t use it; you don’t keep it around.”  Believe it or not, I actually kept all the cards I have received, and I was going to throw them all out as I was cleaning my room.  I got side-tracked and started reading many of the cards I received.  For some of the cards, I just couldn’t bring myself to throw them away because of the messages written in them.

As I was reading the cards, there are names of people whom I can’t even recall and there are people whom I still remember.  I realized that I am not very good at keeping long-distance friendship.  Out of the pile of cards, I got a lot of Christmas cards and I don’t think I have ever replied one.  I just don’t send out Christmas cards… but I think I should probably change that, so I made up a list of names for sending out Christmas cards this year.

I also came upon a bunch of letters and cards from this guy.  As I was reading his letters and his cards, I felt really sad.  This guy really liked me then, but because I just came out of a really bad relationship, I had this twisted image of man in general, I was immature and I took whatever he did for granted.  I didn’t care too much for whatever he had done.  I think I have hurt him really badly.  I really wanted to apologize, but I have already lost contact with this person.  Seriously, I am really sorry for what I had or had not done for this person…