"I am probably being a jerk as always....just take my word for it. It's not you, it's me"

What am I supposed to say next?

"Ookay...so you like being a jerk?
you prefer being a jerk?
you'd rather continue to be a jerk than change?"

Actions speak louder than words...

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Bitterness is contagious...
I refused to be overtaken by this bitterness
I don't want to have this bitterness standing in the way between God and me
so God help me

What are you supposed to do when people around you are telling you that you are not being good enough? you are not doing enough? when you have already done certain things but what they saw were only stuff you didn't do? It seems like there's no end...

How do you come to terms with yourself when God tells you otherwise, that it's not about what you do, but who you are...and you are precious the way you are...?

I have no answer....

It's so contradictory sometimes, that I don't do things so that I can be appreciated by others; therefore I don't usually tell others what I have done behind the scenes; I don't explain myself when others accused me of what I didn't do...but then, I would like others to realize that I have been doing things, that I have done something....maybe so that they will accuse me less of what I didn't do...

I sometimes wonder, what does it really take for them to understand that I have been doing things, that I have been helping? Should I be gone? then may be they'd realize the difference?

I feel very sad...and disappointed...

Was talking to my friend from Winnipeg about issues with her church...

Sometimes I think churches are so focus on the increase in numbers, keeping the people, and getting the people to contribute... we forget why we are doing what we are doing in the first place...

The things we do are sometimes so narrow-minded that it seems to be all about the survival of our own individual church...but really, the body of Christ is not limited to members of the local churches....it's all the Christians together that make up the body of Christ - the Church...

Sometimes I wonder if this bible verse applies: "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. " (Matthew 16:25)...maybe when we can finally let go and place the survival of our individual church in God's hands, that's when we can really spread the gospel for what it is? and nurture believers for who they are? not what we want from them?

There are expectations to be met, but I always believe that if we were able to nurture them, the sense of responsibility will come...as a response to Christ's love...

There is no perfect church, because church is made up by us - imperfect humans...

sigh...reality hurts...

I'd say "No", especially to those jobs in which I do have a choice, when I know I won't have time to do a good job of it. I don't like doing a half-ass job (excuse me for my language), I'd rather not do it at all, and spend the time I have to focus on doing a good job of the ones I have on hand.
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Was trying to trade on Restaurant City, and I got this reply:

"Anything you want to give me little daisy flower"...
#%@$&^$& (censored) Don't give me that! I barely know you!!! Know anything about proper social etiquette? (it's not the first time I get this from this same guy either...I should just stop talking to him. PERIOD)
I am having goosebumps all over!!! *shivers*

PISS ME OFF!!!...such a potty mouth, I am....-_-ll

ARGHH!! I am having a bad day...and I need a blue sky holiday!! >.<

mp3 widget player from listen.grooveshark.com
(I am getting annoyed with the ads from IMEEM)

He's Just Not That Into You
I have been meaning to write about this movie ever since I have watched it. The movie might be a little bit extreme but there are some things that I can't agree with more...

I don't even know when it all started, Was it the Barbies? Was it the Fairy Tales? Was it the romance novels? Was it the TV dramas and the chick flicks? We, as in the general female population, all want a "knight in shining armour / hero" in our lives. Maybe we have been poisoned by Disney ever since we were little...

Whether we are married or single, in whatever age range, we all cry to the same chick flicks, "aww" at the same moment in the movie...We all wanted to be the female lead in the movies / novels, and most importantly, almost all of the time, before the ending is revealed, most of us would have already decided that the male lead and the female lead in the story should be together....

I also hate the fact that we are prone to be overly sensitive and prone to fantasize over how things will "happen(!)" between us and the guy that we may be slightly interested in...we may start over-analyzing whatever he said or did, and start making excuses for him...

What's worse, when we have managed to find a guy, before you even know it, he automatically became "the guy"...and we make even more excuses for his behaviours, we don't want to leave or let go...we became afraid of being alone again...(but we have always been alone before we first started dating!!!)

I am not against dating...it's just that the movie made me think....why waste time fantasizing about or making excuses for a guy whom you don't even know if he likes you or not? whom you are only "guessing" that he likes you?

We were always told to be hopeful, to be optimistic; the right guy will come along eventually. And we often try to be optimistic in the wrong way by forgeting the fact that We Are The RULE! Until the day when we meet the right guy, we will always be the Rule, not the exception...this is so hard for us, because we always try to be way tooo hopeful! But I think I get it now....Finally!...and it's about time I do.... =P

I just watched P.S. I Love you the other day with the young girls' group; we all agreed that it was a sweet movie...but when the movie is done...we all went, "there's no guy out there who will do that...guys don't do that in real life." It's so sad; It's like deep down, we all know that what happens in the movies are too good to be true...yet we still fantasize and like these mushy scenes so much!! GO FIGURE!